Chimp Shenanigans

Police Officer Susan Smythe first noticed that something was suspicious when she saw a Lexus with Wyoming license plates pull out of the parking lot of the Tin Palace on Tuesday night without its headlights on. 

She followed it up Madbury Rd, and, as the car began to dangerously weave down the street, she pulled it over, expecting to find a typical, belligerent drunk. 

But, when she peered into the window, what she found seated in the driver’s seat instead was less than human: a chimpanzee with a mischievous, toothy grin.

            “I nearly fainted!” Smythe exclaimed.  Not only did she find the chimpanzee to be the one operating the vehicle, but also she noticed banana peels all over the passenger seat of the car.

            The chimp, whose name is Oliver Twist, appears to have driven the stolen Lexus all the way from Wyoming to Durham in two days after escaping from the Wyoming Zoo.  Durham police are still trying to figure out the details of how the chimp managed to pull off this feat. 

            Police Chief Bo Diddley said that the chimp keepers at the Wyoming Zoo in Lander noticed Oliver Twist had escaped Saturday morning.  The following day the owner of the Lexus who lives in Cheyenne, Wyo. reported his car stolen.

            Currently the chimp is being held indefinitely at the Durham Zoo.  Smythe said after she discovered the chimp Tuesday night she called the zookeeper out of bed to come transfer him to the zoo.  

However, the question still remains how a three-year-old chimp managed to escape his enclosure in the Wyoming Zoo, which is something zookeepers there are currently investigating.  

Also, Chimp Expert Joe Brown said that while chimps are very fast learners, he does not think a chimp could have driven the almost 2,000 mile journey from Wyoming to New Hampshire without experiencing a traffic accident.

            “It’s definitely possible for a chimp to learn how to drive,” Brown said. “But I doubt that at his young age he could have been taught how to drive safely or even how to follow the rules of the road.  I think in this instance something seems fishy.  This chimp would have needed some help.”

            Brown also mentioned that it would have been highly unlikely that the chimp could have unlocked the car without direct access to its keys.

            How the chimp managed to get the keys is unknown, and the owner of the Lexus could not be reached for comment at this time.